“I went over to the booth she was standing at. She said something in Spanish to the saleswoman, then giggled and walked away. The vendor showed me a ring, and told me the girl had said she’d like it, but only if I bought it for her.
“I turned around and ran off to find her when I bumped straight into Corey, who had beaten me to it and was formally introducing us before I could catch my breath. She needed to go back to her room to freshen up, so we agreed to meet in front of the market thirty minutes later…
“When we got to the café, she grabbed my hand as we waited in line. She looked at me and I could see fire burning in her eyes. She started kissing me right there, and I had never felt so much passion. When we finally got to our table ten minutes later, she couldn’t stop herself from touching me. Corey and her friends had to sit there and try not to stare while we were all over each other. Things got hotter on the dance floor, where I could feel her blood boiling as we moved to the Latin beats.
“We went for a walk on the beach, and we didn’t care about offending the people around us. We were standing next to the waves, up and under each other’s clothes, lost in the heat of the moment. She eventually told me to stop, and we found our friends before she drove Corey and me back to our hotel…
“Corey took her friends out for a walk, and finally we had the opportunity to be alone. She lay down on her hotel bed and we started to kiss. I don’t remember the sequence of words and events that followed, but the result is clear in my mind: I was standing on the other side of the room, leaning against the wall and looking at her lying on the bed. She had told me she didn’t want to have sex, and instead of playing the yes/no game, I was staring at her, thinking I really respected this girl and didn’t want to do anything if she wasn’t sure of what she wanted…
“She left the next day for Mexico City. She wrote me when I got back to Toronto, telling me she wanted so badly to have sex with me but was afraid of looking like a slut.” (p.90-92)
I get frustrated every time I hear comments from guys who say they want and love freaky girls in bed, but in the same breath, hope to find a ‘good girl’ who doesn’t like to go out and party, etc, who can help them settle down.
This type of attitude can discourage women from expressing their sexual freedom, for fear of limiting the chances of commitment with a particular person. In reality, women who love sex would probably be better off telling a guy they can’t share it with to screw himself, while they find someone who understands that a good girl can also be good in bed (Mrs. Cleaver is not the modern means of satisfying your man, though we never saw what tricks she had under her skirt).
And it also suggests that these guys (and their partners) feel like they’re doing something wrong by wanting to enjoy sex and experimentation in a relationship (social and religious conditioning isn’t something that’s easy to reject).
Why would we hope to find a partner for the long term who can help us repress our sexual desire, rather than explore it? This type of attitude creates couples who, as individuals, may both be kinky with all types of freaky sex on their mind, yet they’re afraid of sharing it with each other (possibly never knowing what they’re missing), while they instead have to find some other means of satisfaction.
I personally love confident women who know and tell me what they want and like, and have experience to add to the fun (and not for just one night: I would never write off someone I share an incredible physical connection with as ‘not girlfriend material’); it’s something to be proud of, not something to hide.
So isn’t it better to be completely open with our partners, and to stop trying to separate fantasy from future, so that we may feel comfortable and confident with each others skills and desires, rather than intimidated or ashamed?
Sex. - Not All Men Are Monsters - Sex. Travel. Food. Life. - Brian Johnston 
Meow! That was a tasty post!
I’m going to say all of this from my personal perspective. I’ve been the “dirty girl” and was judged for being so forward and aggressive. Usually, this judgement comes from younger, more indoctrinated men or women for any number of reasons. Honestly, I don’t find the opinions of others to be that relevant to my life. But I wanted to say something about male/female relations and the timeline of sex with regard to relationships. I also wanted to share my personal feelings about anticipation and the art of seduction.
In my experience with men, it is always better to hold off on the first sexual act if you would like to have a relationship with them. If I am not interested in having a relationship (and I think I generally know in the first 15 minutes of meeting them), then by all means, jump in the sack and enjoy! It doesn’t matter. Live for the momentary pleasure!
Experience has taught me that humans prize things that they have to work for and that by giving sex a little time, you give them and yourself opportunity to develop emotions (and as much as I love sex… sex with emotional involvement is always way better in my book) and get to see you as an amazing and unique woman, as opposed to an object of desire. This emotional involvement tends to make the sex (when you do get around to it) more about sharing and less about “possessing” the other person.
I captivate. I intrigue. I tease. There is an art to seduction and that art takes time. If I give you everything you want right away, you have nothing to crave. I like the craving, the anticipation, the fantasies. When you jump into bed right away, you rob yourself and the other person of the beauty of those things.
Not all men will treat sexually aggressive/forward women as less appropriate relationship material if they sleep with them right away, but it does have a less than positive effect for most potential relationships. And I am not advocating for game playing. I am talking about the human psyche and the process of pair bonding. Maybe your readers will disagree with me… and if so, I would love to hear their personal experiences… especially from the women.
Deelicious indeed.. thanks for the comments, I think they give a very realistic picture from a confident woman who knows how to express herself!
When I read your pointers on seduction, it also made me think back to my ‘foreplay for all’ post, and how, in both situations, a lot of people are too eager to get down and dirty, rather than enjoy and expand the art of it. Teasing, intriguing, anticipating and craving; that already sounds like a fantasy to me!
Thanks again for sharing, hope we do hear more from other women!