blocked: an analogy to sex

“She stated that I wanted to have sex tonight, and asked if I was upset. I told her it’s not that I want to have sex, it’s that I want her to want to enjoy sex when we have some time alone and I set the mood for a romantic evening… Sex should be fun and relaxing, but with us, there’s no spontaneity or sense of anticipation and excitement. It’s difficult to get her interested unless she instigates things, and it seems like a chore on the odd occasion that she does. And the fact that she’s drained from work makes me feel bad if I try to ‘seduce’ her when she’s ready to doze off.” (p. 378)

I was at a party last night when someone came up to me and told me they’d been looking for it for a while, and it was time I satisfied them, in fact it was long overdue.

testing before sexing: responsible = relief

I met a really cool girl in Namibia, and when it became apparent that we were heading down the road leading to my bed, we both had some reservations, and were thankfully able to talk about it openly.

For her, she had read numerous stories about me in my sex blog, and though I talk about the importance of using protection, you can never be too sure of a new partner when you know they’ve been active in different parts of the world. For me, I’m freaked out by the high prevalence of HIV/AIDS in Namibia (and Africa in general), with the (not so accurate) stats saying roughly one in every six adults here is HIV positive.

So rather than live with the anxiety, we decided to do the responsible thing, and go together for HIV testing.

the dirty girl dilemma

“I went over to the booth she was standing at. She said something in Spanish to the saleswoman, then giggled and walked away. The vendor showed me a ring, and told me the girl had said she’d like it, but only if I bought it for her.

“I turned around and ran off to find her when I bumped straight into Corey, who had beaten me to it and was formally introducing us before I could catch my breath. She needed to go back to her room to freshen up, so we agreed to meet in front of the market thirty minutes later…

foreplay for all

“We need to appreciate head-to-toe sensuality and arousal, taking the pressure off… Tense bodies that have no other outlet often find release through involuntary ejaculation.” (p.252)

There are times for hot, quick sex, and times when we want to take our time to enjoy the act for as long as we possibly can. For some people (or with some couples’ chemistry), there’s no differentiation between the two when it comes to getting ready to enter. For others, foreplay plays a big role in their performance.

Extraordinary positions with a tandem twist

“When she finally showed up, we didn’t waste any time with words. She was wrapped in a colourful African sarong, wearing a white undershirt and no underwear. Her body was petite, she had soft full lips, and her small, firm breasts and waist contrasted beautifully with her teardrop-shaped hips and ass, reminding me of a goddess from a Gustav Klimt painting. This girl twisted me around her tight caramel body in ways that would make a contortionist cry with envy. I had no clue how flexible I could be.” (p. 155)

hard to live without a lay

In my last post, one reader’s comments explained that one reason people may have extramarital affairs is for the attraction of being bad, and the excitement of doing it in secret. Another very common reason that I’ve repeatedly encountered while travelling, is that a lot of women feel not an impulsive urge to have sex (as many men do when they see someone who excites them), but they have a physical need for it.

should sex in secret be shamed?

In a lot of the countries I’ve visited in Africa, extramarital affairs are common and far from hidden, bragged about by guys in public, and discussed between women behind closed doors. People seem to be proud of having multiple partners, even expected to have them; the only shame felt is when someone is caught.

exposed in uganda

After two years without communication, I received an unexpected message over the holidays, from a Ugandan girl who claimed to be missing a particular piece of my body (which she had nicknamed and rehearsed, letting me know it was really her). Hearing from her after so long brought back some electrifying memories from my last East African trip:

catch me if you can, part 1

“[10:58] the latina won’t leave me alone
[11:00] we first met while travelling in india. we were staying with the same host
[11:01] after spending the first day walking around the city together, we got home to an empty house. we put on some rhythmic bollywood music in my room, and she started showing me some of her belly dancing routines (she normally performs for a larger audience)

Fu¢k buddies, and nothing more?

When I think about this topic, the first thing that comes to mind is a scene from the movie Vanilla Sky (the American remake of the Spanish film Abre los ojos). Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz play characters with a somewhat undefined relationship (his best friend referring to her as his “fu¢k buddy”,

Good things Come in Threes

One of the most cliché fantasies for a lot of people is a threesome, so how do you make it happen?

Move your Magic

How many times have you seen a girl working her body on the dancefloor, only to find her starfish in bed? Girls (and even guys) have sexy movements, so why not apply them to sex?

Erotic Africa

“We talked about relationships and girls, and she was very curious about the differences in ‘skill’ from continent to continent. For me, there was no hesitation in my answer: when it comes to sex,

About Sex. – before you excite

This link will take you to the ‘About Sex.’ introduction.