blocked: an analogy to sex

“She stated that I wanted to have sex tonight, and asked if I was upset. I told her it’s not that I want to have sex, it’s that I want her to want to enjoy sex when we have some time alone and I set the mood for a romantic evening… Sex should be fun and relaxing, but with us, there’s no spontaneity or sense of anticipation and excitement. It’s difficult to get her interested unless she instigates things, and it seems like a chore on the odd occasion that she does. And the fact that she’s drained from work makes me feel bad if I try to ‘seduce’ her when she’s ready to doze off.” (p. 378)

I was at a party last night when someone came up to me and told me they’d been looking for it for a while, and it was time I satisfied them, in fact it was long overdue.

I said I know, that I’ve been extremely stressed lately with money and work issues, and haven’t been able to put aside some quality time.

Even though I know I need to do it, and others are asking for it, I can’t force myself to enjoy it if I’m not into it right now. I wouldn’t be performing to my potential, and the result would be a non-climactic letdown.

It has little to do with desire; I wish I could do it three times a day. But as the pressures mound, days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, and suddenly I can’t even remember what it feels like to be satisfied. It’s easier to make excuses than to get in the mood.

And then the underlying problems start to fade away. There’s a positive outlook for work and opportunity on the horizon, and as this stress is lifted, my energy and enthusiasm suddenly feel renewed. All it takes is one suggestive action at a party, and I’m ready to go at it again, with all the passion I’ve been missing.

And so ends another long stretch of blog writer’s block, and a deeper understanding of how difficult it can be to do something you want and love, when it just doesn’t feel like the right moment.